Truyện cười song ngữ

In the distance, a chicken is crossing the road. The question is: why? Here is what various people and groups might say.

Famous people:

Plato: Because it is good for the chicken. The other side is the right side.

Aristotle: Because crossing roads is in a chicken's nature.

René Descartes: To get to the other side.

Galileo: And yet the chicken crossed!

Sigmund Freud: Your preoccupation with the chicken crossing the road reveals your sexual insecurity.

De Gaulle: The chicken may have crossed the road, but it has not yet crossed the highway.

Martin Luther King: I dream of a world where every chicken can cross the road without having to explain why.

Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat: the chicken never crossed the road.

George W. Bush: The chicken's crossing in defiance of a UN resolution is an affront to democracy, freedom, and justice. Clearly, we should have bombed this road long ago. To secure peace in the region and protect our values, we will send seventeen aircraft carriers, 146 fighter jets, 250,000 troops, and 154 cruise missiles to eliminate every trace of the chicken within a radius of 5,000 kilometers. We will then govern the region on behalf of the world and establish chicken coops that meet the highest security standards. Their leading rooster will be democratically elected. To cover the costs, we need only control egg products for thirty years. In this new land of justice, freedom, and democracy, no chicken will ever cross a road again. There won't be any roads left, either. We don't care whether the chicken crossed. We care which side it is on: ours or the other side. There is no neutral position!

Vladimir Putin: The chicken has occupied an important position since the end of the Cold War. Our task now is to put it into its desired orbit.

Alex Ferguson: The chicken's form when crossing the road may be temporary, but its class is permanent.

David Beckham: The chicken crossed thanks to Castrol Power 1: Beckham power!

Shinichi Kudo: Judging from the footprints, I conclude that the chicken crossed the road.

Mourinho: We don't need lots of goals. We just need the chicken to cross.

Moggi: The chicken is on its way down to Serie B.

Marcello Lippi: We should let the chicken control the street. Our job is to set traps.

Federer: The chicken runs like Nadal.

The Renault racing team: We've found our new team member for next season.

José Mourinho: I'm going my own way. Why should I dodge the chicken?

Hugo: Careful, chicken! Press four to go left and five to go right. Watch out for traps! Oh no, the chicken has lost. Its score is zero.

Ramón Calderón: I'll bring that chicken to Phạm Ngọc Thạch Street, whatever it takes!

Wang Yuyan, from Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils: Judging by the footprints, that is the 'Black Chicken Crosses the Pass' move from the 'Lingbo Microsteps' footwork technique.

Xiaolongnü, from The Return of the Condor Heroes: The chicken crossed the road? But will it be allowed to marry its pupil?

Cao Cao: All that road-crossing has made the chicken's tendons too tough to eat, but it's a pity to throw them away.

Mỹ Tâm: Chicken, chicken, stepping across that road... Chicken, chicken, the brown-haired one is me!

KFC: That chicken has escaped its coop! Which one are we supposed to use for FireChicken today?

Yang Guo: Chicken, do you know where my auntie is?

Hou Yi: Draws his bow.

Hong Qigong: Jing, today I shall teach you this move...

A Gunbound player: Wandering down the road, there's a chicken, there's a chicken. A chicken that can't shoot is a roast chicken.

Mỹ Linh: Your crossing was excellent today, chicken, but unfortunately you chose the wrong road. You need to try harder next time. Still, you have my vote.

Long Vũ, as a sports commentator: The chicken is crossing... Come on, cross! Cross! And... it hasn't crossed! What a pity, everyone!

Long Vũ, hosting Wheel of Fortune: The chicken has fallen into pothole number four. Will it keep playing or leave the game?

Lại Văn Sâm: Look! The chicken's about to cross! Oh, oh, it's crossed! So the chicken has crossed the road. Thank you, thank you!

Lại Văn Sâm again: So much traffic! Would the chicken like a lifeline? Fifty-fifty, perhaps, or phone a friend?

Commentator Quang Huy: No good, everyone. The chicken is offside!

Bùi Tiến Dũng: I'll bet two million US dollars it can't cross. It'll definitely fall into a pothole. This road was a PMU18 project.

Đỗ Tư Đông, former deputy head of the journalism department at Central Radio and Television College No. 1: You want to cross, chicken? Both sides must benefit. How about I give you a ride across, and we stop at a motel on the way?

The international community:

WHO: One question arises: is the chicken infected with H5N1?

OPEC, the Organization of Poultry-feed Exporting Countries: Feed prices will probably rise further and may reach one hundred dollars a barrel. Supply is below demand, and OPEC production is at its limit.

North Korea: We'll have the chicken dig a tunnel. It may reach Japan, perhaps even America.

Iran: We will compost chicken manure across the road, but only for peaceful purposes.

Iraq: We forbid all chickens to cross. They may be carrying suicide bombs.

Government departments and organizations:

The Foreign Ministry: We strongly condemn the chicken's crossing as a serious violation of... traffic safety rules. We have sought UN assistance and asked the chicken to stay put in a shelter while the UN arranges a safe crossing away from Israeli bombs and missiles.

The Fisheries Ministry: We know nothing about a chicken crossing. Typhoon Chanchu did not take that route.

The Finance Ministry: We will permit imports of secondhand overpasses, giving chickens more options. However, users must pay import duty, excise tax, VAT, and other taxes to protect domestically manufactured overpasses.

The Trade Ministry: Negotiations to allow the chicken to cross are almost complete. Unfortunately, we cannot disclose the terms or our concessions because we haven't had time.

The Education and Training Ministry: The crossing success rate is one hundred percent. Ninety-nine percent of chickens achieved good or excellent results. None were rated weak.

The Roads Department, Transport Ministry: All chickens must sew their pockets shut and carry no more than 20,000 đồng, to avoid corrupting toll collectors.

Vietnam Airlines: We need to hire another chicken. This one's legs are only suitable for jumping over a ditch, or at most crossing an alley.

VNPT: We cannot open the overpass because E-phone has not adequately prepared the technical arrangements for a safe crossing.

VFF, the Vietnam Football Federation: Within ten years, Vietnamese chickens will rank among Asia's ten fastest road-crossers and may qualify for the 2018 Chicken Road-Crossing World Cup.

E-phone: Our chicken cannot cross because VNPT refuses to open the overpass.

Various professions:

Biologist: The chicken's crossing is an action that balances the ecosystem.

Physicist: We cannot say the chicken crossed without an appropriate frame of reference, taking the curb as the origin and the other side as the positive direction.

Mathematician: Based on its current velocity, the chicken will meet the approaching truck in the middle of the road.

Chemist: The crossing may introduce a new element into the periodic table.

Logician: If nothing on the other side attracted the chicken, it would not cross. Therefore, something on the other side attracts it.

Theologian: Is the chicken trying to change its religion?

Thinker: Clearly we cannot say, 'The road is crossing the chicken.' Therefore, 'The chicken is crossing the road' is the correct outlook.

Writer: A little road, a gentle breeze; the chicken crosses to find its flock.

Traffic officer: The chicken won't break the law if it wears a helmet. First, chickens are feathered creatures; they must fly across, not walk. Second, it isn't using the crossing. Time to settle this unofficially.

Detective: Follow the chicken until it reaches the other side. Don't let a tragic murder happen.

Civil police officer: Perhaps we shouldn't fine this chicken. It has its chicken rights, after all.

Residence-registration officer: You want to move into the coop across the road? You need written permission from that coop. How do you get it? Simple: first, cross the road!

Prosecuting lawyer: Under Article 24 of the Civil Code, I accuse the chicken of unlawful entry.

Defense lawyer: Objection, Your Honor! My client may turn back as soon as he reaches the curb.

Students, staring: Look, a chicken! A chicken!

Rooster: Hmm, is that a hen?

Fox: Do I have to follow it across? I'll get run over!

Wolf: Watch yourself, chicken!

Từ vựng trong truyện

• preoccupation: sự bận tâm quá mức
• in defiance of: bất chấp
• affront: sự xúc phạm, thách thức
• concessions: những nhượng bộ
• frame of reference: hệ quy chiếu
• periodic table: bảng tuần hoàn
• unlawful entry: xâm nhập trái phép